Discovering my voice.

      I have been a parrot my entire life, repeating what I've been told. I have tried to speak up numerous times, only to be discounted, discouraged, and degraded. My voice needed to be louder to ensure I was heard. I started Voice Lessons on Wednesday, October 18, 2011. I was scared out of my wits. If I had the instructor's phone number, I would have called and said I couldn't justify spending the money and the gas to take the lessons. Yes, I want lessons. I have wanted lessons since I was a young girl. My problem was that I was scared, plain, and straightforward. Scared of change. I was also afraid of independence, a new experience for me. Getting out of my comfort zone and doing things for me for no reason other than wanting to. Also, there's the call to action; if I learn to use my voice, I'll be expected to use it.

      The lesson went well. The instructor told me I have a big voice. He told me I clenched my jaw to squash my voice. Yes, I agree.  

     My homework for this week has been to open my mouth and let my voice out. When I got home, I had a chance to practice my homework on Richard. He was not pleased about the lessons, he wanted to know how could I justify spending the money for lessons, and spending the fuel to get there. Does that sound familiar? His voice rang through my head, trying to talk me out of taking the lessons. I opened my mouth and told him, "I want to take lessons, and I am doing this for myself. I will continue with my lessons. I don't do much for myself; this is for me. End of discussion." He has said no more.

     It felt energizing to use my own voice. Voice lessons have been justified. I am looking forward to continuing them.

Autumn Awakening

I am settling into the slower Autumn rhythms. The shorter, cooler days are perfect for baking, spinning fiber into yarn, and spending the evenings snuggled into a good book. I still have 2/3 of the 55 gal drum of sheep wool to wash, card, and spin. I’ve started “Herman the great sourdough starter,” he lives on the kitchen counter through the fall, winter, and spring. I rarely bake in the summer; the oven makes the kitchen too hot. I am glad I wasn’t a woman in the old days, cooking on a wood-burning stove year-round. I miss cooking on the Southern Comfort wood cook stove in the winters of my girlhood.

School daze

As I worked on following through on this year’s New Year’s Resolution, I decided to work on completing my college education.

I tried college for the first time in 2008. I was advised that the “drop date” erased the classes as if I had never signed up for them. I dropped all my classes by their drop date, expecting no penalty. I went back to college this semester. I learned I may lose my financial aid because the 2008 classes were not erased, and I received failing grades. I must do well this semester and get out of Academic Jeopardy. 

I still haven’t learned the valuable lesson about blindly believing what someone tells me.