Hello You

Do you remember when you left me? When you were too grown-up to play when I visited? When you no longer found a monster under the bed, in the closet?

Do you remember where you left me? Am I in the box you packed with your beloved childhood toys for safekeeping? Did you toss me out with your once-favorite fuzzy slippers?

Do you remember the fun we had in worlds and adventures of our own making? Back when the world belonged to you and me, you believed everything was possible and you could be anything.

All the fun we once had; do you miss me – as I do you?

Lovingly,  Your Imagination.

Technorati Tags: imagination, lessons, writing, remember, hello

Happily Ever After

     If I knew where my happily ever after was, I’d go fetch it by the feet and drag it home.

     As a young girl, I expected things to turn out a certain way. I expected to find the love of my life, my best friend, the one whom I could share my every hope and fear with, the one who (by his belief in me) would help me believe in my ability to achieve my dreams. This love was to be two lives merging into one, the unbreakable bond that no one could break apart. 

     Instead, I’ve found a labyrinth with many dead ends. I’ve suffered under their stifling anger, disbelief, and, worst of all, the necessity of keeping my thoughts and needs to myself. There was no room for my needs amongst the unbearable demands of the other I was with at that time.

Winter Semester 2012

This semester is shaping up to be more work than the last. My classes are Sociology, Psychology, and Small Business. I am most excited about the Small Business class because the large assignment is to write a Business Plan. I’ve decided to write mine on the rune and tarot card reading business I’ve been dabbling in for the past few years. Having a plan will help me stay on course and have greater success at operating the business.

Discovering my voice.

      I have been a parrot my entire life, repeating what I've been told. I have tried to speak up numerous times, only to be discounted, discouraged, and degraded. My voice needed to be louder to ensure I was heard. I started Voice Lessons on Wednesday, October 18, 2011. I was scared out of my wits. If I had the instructor's phone number, I would have called and said I couldn't justify spending the money and the gas to take the lessons. Yes, I want lessons. I have wanted lessons since I was a young girl. My problem was that I was scared, plain, and straightforward. Scared of change. I was also afraid of independence, a new experience for me. Getting out of my comfort zone and doing things for me for no reason other than wanting to. Also, there's the call to action; if I learn to use my voice, I'll be expected to use it.

      The lesson went well. The instructor told me I have a big voice. He told me I clenched my jaw to squash my voice. Yes, I agree.  

     My homework for this week has been to open my mouth and let my voice out. When I got home, I had a chance to practice my homework on Richard. He was not pleased about the lessons, he wanted to know how could I justify spending the money for lessons, and spending the fuel to get there. Does that sound familiar? His voice rang through my head, trying to talk me out of taking the lessons. I opened my mouth and told him, "I want to take lessons, and I am doing this for myself. I will continue with my lessons. I don't do much for myself; this is for me. End of discussion." He has said no more.

     It felt energizing to use my own voice. Voice lessons have been justified. I am looking forward to continuing them.

School daze

As I worked on following through on this year’s New Year’s Resolution, I decided to work on completing my college education.

I tried college for the first time in 2008. I was advised that the “drop date” erased the classes as if I had never signed up for them. I dropped all my classes by their drop date, expecting no penalty. I went back to college this semester. I learned I may lose my financial aid because the 2008 classes were not erased, and I received failing grades. I must do well this semester and get out of Academic Jeopardy. 

I still haven’t learned the valuable lesson about blindly believing what someone tells me.

Checking in...

Update on this year's theme; Follow Through.

1. Flute Practice: I have completed book one and moved on to guitar. I practice whenever I get a moment that my 'other' is not within earshot. He's too critical. At this stage in my learning, I don't need to subject myself to his ridicule.

2. Bunny Business: It was pushed to the back burner and is now just a hobby. It may be revisited at a later date, or it may not.

3. Junk Purge: The attic, barn, and basement have been purged of junk. (Now, if only I would prioritize unjunking closets.)

4. Runes: The "Party Plan" business is in process. I have made business cards. I had my first party on May 22, 2011. It went well. I am a rune and Tarot Card Reader, offering individual consultations, parties, and classes.

Community

Community is a sharing in common. (Webster's definition.)

Is that what we're all looking for? The people who join churches, groups, and networks? Even in the 'computer age,' we look for common ground. We want to know we are not alone.

So, what am I getting at?

I have been stock-taking for the last year, tossing worn-out, outgrown, useless junk. I have come to sorting my "friends." My first observation has been that I am a far better friend to my friends than they are to me. I visit them, call them, listen to them, fix their problems, and listen to how rotten their lives are. Then, I am completely drained of energy. I have to physically rest. Does anything good happen to them?

I have tried to explain that they can't see up by looking down.

Even church praise and worship groups don't get it. They are all worship, no praise. I have only heard of the prayer groups concentrating on what they don't have—of course, getting more of the same—and lacking.

I have decided I am worth friends who experience a variety of life. People should know blessings with the lessons life hurls at them. No matter how hard my lessons have been, I have always had miraculous blessings to help me through.