Happily Ever After

     If I knew where my happily ever after was, I’d go fetch it by the feet and drag it home.

     As a young girl, I expected things to turn out a certain way. I expected to find the love of my life, my best friend, the one whom I could share my every hope and fear with, the one who (by his belief in me) would help me believe in my ability to achieve my dreams. This love was to be two lives merging into one, the unbreakable bond that no one could break apart. 

     Instead, I’ve found a labyrinth with many dead ends. I’ve suffered under their stifling anger, disbelief, and, worst of all, the necessity of keeping my thoughts and needs to myself. There was no room for my needs amongst the unbearable demands of the other I was with at that time.

School daze

As I worked on following through on this year’s New Year’s Resolution, I decided to work on completing my college education.

I tried college for the first time in 2008. I was advised that the “drop date” erased the classes as if I had never signed up for them. I dropped all my classes by their drop date, expecting no penalty. I went back to college this semester. I learned I may lose my financial aid because the 2008 classes were not erased, and I received failing grades. I must do well this semester and get out of Academic Jeopardy. 

I still haven’t learned the valuable lesson about blindly believing what someone tells me.

Flute

In July, my dear bought me a flute at one of his auctions. ( I said, "Oh, what a beautiful flute." So he bought it for me. ) I've been practicing and practicing. I am finally learning to lower my expectations, lighten up, and be where I am. I am a beginner, and as much as I hate to admit it, I sound like a beginner. Not being good at something bugs me. I am entirely uncomfortable with the frustration of beginning. Though I am continuing because he was adorable enough to buy it for me, I can at least learn how to play it.