Discovering my voice.

      My entire life I have been a parrot, repeating what I’ve been told. I have tried to speak up numerous times in my life, only to be discounted, discouraged, and degraded. My voice hasn’t been big enough to ensure I was heard. I started Voice Lessons on Wednesday October 18, 2011. I was scared out of my wits. If I had the instructors phone number, I would have called and said I couldn’t justify spending the money and the gas to take the lessons. Yes, I want lessons. I have wanted lessons since I was a young girl. My problem was I was scared, plane and simple. Scared of change. I was also scared of the independence;  a new experience for me. Getting out of my comfort zone, and doing things for me, for no other reason then: I want to. Also there’s the call to action, if I learn to use my voice, I’ll be expected to use it.

      I believe the lesson went well. The instructor told me I have a big voice. He told me I clench my jaw in attempt to squash my voice. Yes, I agree.  

     My homework for this week has been to open my mouth and let my voice out. As soon as I got home I had a chance to practice my homework on Richard. He was not pleased about the lessons, he wanted to know how could I justify spending the money for lessons, and spending the fuel to get there. Does that sound familiar?  It was his voice ringing through my head that was trying to talk me out of taking the lessons. I opened my mouth and told him, “I want to take lessons, I am doing this for me. I will continue with my lessons. I don’t do much for myself, this is for me. End of discussion.” He has said no more.

     It felt energizing to use my own voice. Voice lessons have been justified. I am looking forward to continuing them.

Autumn Awakening

I am settling in the  slower Autumn rhythms. The shorter cooler days are perfect for baking, spinning fiber into yarn, and spending the evenings snuggled into a good book. I still have 2/3 of the 55 gal drum of sheep wool to wash, card, and spin. I’ve started “Herman the great sourdough starter,” he lives on the kitchen counter through the fall, winter, and spring. I rarely bake in the summer, the oven makes the kitchen too hot. I am glad I wasn’t a woman in the days of old;  cooking on a wood burning stove year round. I do miss cooking on the Southern Comfort wood cook stove in the winters of my girlhood.

School daze

Working on this year’s New Year’s Resolution, follow through, I decided to work on completing my collage education.

In 2008 was the first time I tried collage.  I was advised  the “drop date” erased the classes as if I had never signed up for them. I dropped all my classes by their drop date, expecting no penalty.  I went back to collage this semester.  I learned I may loose my financial aid because the 2008 classes were not erased and received failing grades. I have to do well this semester, and get out of Academic Jeopardy. 

I still haven’t learned the valuable lesson about blindly believing what someone tells me.

Checking in...

Update on this years theme; Follow Through.

1. Flute Practice: I have completed book one, and moved onto guitar. I practice whenever I get a moment that my 'other' is not within earshot. He's to critical. At this stage in my learning, I don't need to subject myself to his ridicule.

2. Bunny Business: Pushed to the back burner; just a hobby. May revisit at a future date, may not.

3. Junk Purge: Attic, barn, and basement, purged of junk. (Now if only I would prioritize unjunking closets.)

4. Runes: "Party Plan" business in process. Business cards made. Had my first party May 22, 2011. It went well. Rune and Tarot Card Reader; individual consultations, parties, classes.

January

A new year.

The theme for the year past was simplify.
The theme for the year present is follow through.
There are many things I need to complete, finish, or follow through.

For example;
1. I have yet to be real about flute practice. I could have finished 'Flute Book One'; had I been focused.
2. I could have an established, making money, bunny business; had I a plan in place, and acted upon it.
3. The basement, barn, garage, and attic needs purged of outgrown, unwanted, unneeded items. I just haven't made a priority of the removal of the 'junk'.
4. I have told myself for many years I would practice Runes more. That's not a definitive enough goal to complete.

I decided I would make achievable goals out of the above items.
I have thus far came up with the following:
1. Flute practice: I have broken down into lessons. Six lessons = six weeks. Twenty minutes practice, six days a week.
2. Bunny Business: I am currently writing up a business plan to establish my business goals. Business plan deadline: February 28, 2011.
3. Junk purge: Come back to it later. No particular plans at this time. Revisit in March; spring cleaning.
4. Runes: I have some thoughts rolling around in the back of my head; Journaling, perhaps. Will revisit February 7th, the Monday after 'Flute Book One' is complete.